ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
