My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
