I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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