First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
