i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
