That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
