I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We got so high we made milksteak
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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