i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
