I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
