The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
