I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
