His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize