I just threw up on my dentist
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize