im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
