My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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