Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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