I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
