There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
