She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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