Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
