Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
this hospital has no fireball
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
