Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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