The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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