My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
