Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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