the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
