Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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