New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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