You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
