He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize