every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
