the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I deserve this hangover.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
