I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
