I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
