I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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