my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
