are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
