God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
