I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize