she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
