I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
