community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
