oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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