i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
