can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
