I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
