..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
