end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
