i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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