I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
