Banned from zoo.
Again?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
