please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
