Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
