How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
