my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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