I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
