I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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