Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
