So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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