matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
