Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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