We're facebook friends in real life
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
