So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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