he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
