redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
