two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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